Into the Past
by Anathemal
Summary: Gon has lost his Nen, and the only way to make him whole again is to enter each other's childhoods through an ancient Nen practitioner who lives deep within a cave...what will they find in their hearts?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! My name is Gregory ^_^. This is the beginning of a long journey for Killua and Gon, of self discovery and healing. The reason I posted such a short first chapter is because I want to get a little feedback before I keep on writing! If you have any interest in beta-reading my work, please let me know! So review, review! Lots of love, and be happy :)**

****Italics will indicate thought (from Killua's perspective as of now) or flashbacks. It should be clear as to whether it's a thought or a flashback!****

* * *

The darkness was so complete, that it felt infinite.

Gon reached out into the endless abyss and-

"Ouch! Watch where you're going, Gon!" Killua's voice echoed in the cavern. Gon whined.

"I'm sorry! I can't see anything in here! It's like..it's like...endless!" Killua snorted.

"We're almost there Gon, so just grab onto the back of my shirt and I'll lead the rest of the way."

"You can see in here?!" Gon's voice was suddenly loud and tilted upwards in surprise.

"Your senses may be sharper than mine usually, but when it comes to being in the dark..." Killua trailed off. Gon tilted his head, suddenly understanding. Reaching out, he grabbed onto the back of Killua's shirt.

_Some time later..._

"You have come." The woman's face had hundreds of deep, deep lines. Her eyes were sunken and her cheek bones protruded. Her hair fell in wisps around her face, gray as a rainy sky, and her eyes blue as the sea. They were bright and penetrating.

Gon stood gaping at her. Killua took a small, protective step forward in front of Gon without even realizing it. Killua swallowed. Her Nen felt ancient and undiscernable, the intent behind it neither light nor dark, and yet powerful as the sun and quiet as the moon.

"A-are you...are you Sayeed?" The woman looked at Killua, a look that sent shivers down his spine. _It feels like she's staring at my soul..._

"I have been called Sayeed, Killua." Gon jumped a little.

"How did you know Killua's name?" His voice shook with excitement and came out in a breathy rush. Killua narrowed his eyes at Gon and hissed,

"Gon, be more respectful!" _Gon can't feel it..._

A cackle ran through the small cave, the noise flickering with the firelight.

"It is alright, child. I know many things, for that is my gift. The gift of knowing. In times past, though, I would have called it a curse..." She looked from Killua to Gon, her eyes sharp and alive. "I know what you are here for. I know that you have lost your Nen, and that you are here to make yourself whole again. I know the deep bond you share, that the experiences you have had together have transformed you both. I know that without Killua, you, Gon, would be dead. And I know that without Gon, you, Killua, would be on the path of darkness. The exchange is equal. Do you know why you were told to come here together?"

Gon and Killua shook their heads and glanced at eachother. Gon spoke,

"U-um, well, Ging said you...you could help me. But he said if we didn't come here together, that I'd be wasting my time. And...and Killua..." Gon looked at Killua, an apologetic look on his face. "Killua didn't want to leave his sister...but...she got angry and told him to."

_"Idiot! I know how much you care about Gon, why would you risk your life for him dozens of times and then leave him now when he needs you most?" Killua's voice threatened to crack._

_"Shut up! I can't be near him anymore! You don't understand!" Alluka looked at him._

_"I, or Nanika, will never speak or look at you again if you don't help Gon." She turned away from him..._

_"Dammit! Damn it all to hell!"_

Killua looked at his feet.

"I spoke of your deep connection...that is why you have come together. You have exchanged Nen."

"What?" Killua and Gon exclaimed simultaneously, their eyes wide. Killua stepped forward.

"What do you mean?"

"Killua, in your aura...in your aura, there is part of Gon's Nen. Before Gon lost his Nen, he had a part of yours as well. Actually, it is still there, but lodged deep in his body, currently inaccessible. If you were to meditate, away from Gon so his presence did not distract you, you would be able to feel him inside your aura."

Killua blushed.

"Old woman, the way you say that is embarrassing!" Sayeed laughed again, and Gon simply tilted his head, his eyes wide and curious.

_Shit, I'm glad that didn't piss her off..._

"I will be straightforward with you. I will put you both into a deep sleep, and you will travel. You will travel into eachother's childhoods and experience them together. If you are able to overcome the challenges, and break down the barriers of separation, Gon will become whole again...and so will Killua."

_So will I? I didn't lose my Nen...what is this old hag talking about..._

"Thank you, Sayeed...and...thank you, Killua. I'm ready."

_My...my past? But..._

"Then sit...sit, and I will sing..."

_To be continued._


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing, because you two inspired me to keep on writing! I'm planning on doing really small daily or slightly bigger 2 day updates. Butters, I saw that you had wrote a bunch of fics. for GonxKilllua...and I read some...and they made me cry. Stawp. **

**Please, give me lots of critique. I definitely don't consider this amazing writing, but I'm trying to make it lots of fun and emotionally engaging! And and, I still would really appreciate someone editing/beta-reading my work, so please let me know if you're interested. And, chibi-Gon...**

**So cute! **

**Lots of love, and be happy :)**

* * *

_blink_

_blink_

Light blasted his eyes suddenly, and he yelped in his haste to cover them. When his eyes adjusted, Killua looked around wildly.

_Where the fuck am I? _

_And more importantly...where's Gon!?_

He stretched, his hands reaching into the bright sky. The sun's warmth wrapped around him, its embrace nurturing and pleasant. The breeze sifted through his hair, and he pursed his lips.

_That old hag said...we'd be in each other's memories? But I thought we'd be here together? Even so...this defintely isn't my childhood. So...Whale Island? _ _I don't even remember her doing anything anyway..._

The trees waved softly, their leaves rustling, and the sunlight dappled through their branches onto the forest path. Killua walked slowly and mindfully, but his body was tense. The birds whistled, their joy apparent...but the chirps were strangely loud and penetrating, and the colors of his surroundings seemed very bright. Too bright.

_I can't lose my cool. Can't relax. That wrinkled mass of skin said there would be challenges...hah...wrinkled mass..._

Killua stopped and put his hands into his air...

"Arghh!" His voice erupted through the stillness, and the birds stopped chirping.

_Damn! Not even 5 minutes here and I'm already getting frustrated. Focus. Just gotta' find Gon. _

Killua took off, racing down the path.

Gon clutched his arm, blood pouring from his shoulder.

"Mito! Somebody!" The wolf took another step closer, its teeth bared.

Gon let go of his arm and grabbed a rock nearby.

"Get away!" He threw the rock at the wolf, and it hit its nose. The wolf's eyes narrowed as it shook its head. Growling, it kept on walking towards Gon.

Gon looked around wildly for some way to escape. The cliff behind him was high enough, but could he climb it with only one arm? Gon took one last glance at the wolf, and in one swift movement, pivoted and leapt towards the cliff. The wolf's spring landed it off balance, and it was momentarily stunned. Gon gasped in pain as he tried to climb the cliff before him. He kept making it up a few feet, but his arm would become numb and he would lose control. Tears formed around his eyes as his mouth worked in panic.

"No, no! Please!" Gon screamed in pain as the wolf closed its jaw around his ankle, biting deeply into the flesh. The wolf moved its head violently side to side to loosen Gon from the cliff. Gon fell suddenly and hit his head on part of the cliff...blackness.

Mito paced back and forth frantically. Her eyes were red rimmed and her face tear streaked.

"Gran! It's been TWO DAYS SINCE GON HAS BEEN HOME! WE HAVE TO ASK FOR HELP FINDING HIM NOW!" Gran scratched her head tiredly. She looked at Mito, who was hunched over slightly, her hair sticking up at odd angles…

_It looks like the poor girl didn't get any sleep last night..._

"Mito, Gon can take care of himself…he's 7 now! Do you remember when you would chase Ging out into the forest, and he would sometimes stay out for days at a time? He's just like his father! Please try to get some rest…come, now, sit and I will make you tea." Mito sniffed and sat down suddenly. Gran busied herself in the kitchen, gathering tea leaves and starting hot water to boil.

"Gran…."

"Yes, Mito?"

"Do you think that I'm a good mother?"

"Your answer is in the smile on Gon's face whenever he sees you, and the peacefulness with which he sleeps under your roof." Mito was leaned over her legs as she sat on the chair, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands on her head. A tear fell to the floor.

"Thank you…thank you, Mom."

Thunder cracked overhead, the house reverberating slightly with the noise. Mito stood and went to the window.

"Hm…it's not rai-ah!"

The door slammed open and a boy with white hair and striking blue eyes walked in.

"MITO, HELP GON NOW!" Killua's face was tight, and his pupils were dilated. His hands were covered in blood, and in them was Gon, unconscious and breathing quickly. Mito and Gran ran to Killua, taking Gon and laying him down on the couch.

"Where is he hurt, boy?"

_They…they don't know who I am. That's right…Gon is younger here…he hasn't met me yet. _

"His ankle, his shoulder, and his head. There were wolves around his body…and…" Killua shuddered. "If I had been just a minute later…"

Mito and Gran worked quickly and quietly, gathering bandages and ointment. Gran ran to the kitchen to get herbs. Mito's face was pale, but her hands did not shake as she cleaned Gon's ankle.

"Who are you? And…how did you know my name?"

"I…uh, Gon muttered your name…and I-"

"Then how did you know where I lived?"

"…you were the closest house." Mito looked hard at Killua.

"Thank you, child…thank you for saving my boy." Killua stiffened slightly at those words.

_Why did that make me uncomfortable?_

"What is your name?" Gran scuttled back in with a handful of crushed herbs, and started to mix it with an ointment Mito had brought onto the table by the couch.

"Killua."

"Killua, you look worried and tired. Why don't you stay for the night?" Gran looked him up and down, and nodded approvingly.

"I…okay."

_She said that we had to overcome challenges together…so…I guess this worked out well._

* * *

_TO be continued._

_No crazy cliffhangers today! huzzah!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Are these little tidbits I'm uploading torturous? Maybe I should start writing longer chapters...**

**Thank you Mister Bun Bun, your review inspired me to write a little something something and post it immediately :D**

**Your harassment is what fuels my fire -strokes bunny's ears- **

**O_O**

**Seriously though, I really enjoy reading reviews, and interacting with the people who read my stories. And I still want someone to beta-read my work. So someone needs to do that. Yeah. ^_^**

**3, enjoy, and tell me how I did!**

* * *

Killua tossed and turned in the bed, while trying his best not to wake the small figure laying next to him.

_Gon still hasn't woken up...and...what the hell is going on? Is this real? Gon never told me about any injuries as a child..._

Killua slid out of the bed smoothly and walked to the window. The moon light shone through his bangs and illuminated his eyes.

_I feel tense here. Something feels off. _

"Uwaahhhhhhh..." Killua spun around to see Gon sitting up and stretching out his arms.

_He was really cute when he was young.._._gah! _

"Ouch! What happened?..." Killua shook himself, his face twisted in annoyance for a moment. Killua's eyes slid off of the shirtless boy.

"Uh...Gon?" Gon looked over to Killua curiously, his eyes wide and questioning.

"Oh! Who are you? I thought I saw an angel...I guess I'm not dead though, because this is my room! But...why do I hurt all over? Where's Mito? And how did you get into my room? And why aren't you asleep? It's dark out, right?" Gon became animated, bouncing in the bed a little and turning his whole body to face Killua.

Killua's mouth dropped a little in response to the assault of questions from Gon. His body heated up a little from the attention.

"Gon, I'm...uh...I...I found you being attacked by wolves! An-"

"YOU SAVED ME?" Gon jumped out of bed and wrapped his arms around Killua's legs.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! Mito said I should always be grateful to someone when they help me, and you must have helped me a lot! But...I don't remember it very well." Gon nuzzled a little into Killua's legs.

Killua's whole body stiffed at the touch from Gon, and he tried to gently pry him off.

_But it feels so nice to be hugged..._

His face reddened and his voice rose,

"Gon! Get off of me!" Gon jumped back as if he had been bitten.

"O-oh...sorry..." His shoulders slumped and he sat back down on the bed, looking away from Killua. Killua smacked a hand into his forehead.

_Damn, I'm an idiot. He's only a kid..._

"Ah, Gon, no...I'm sorry. You just surprised me, that's all. My name is Killua, okay?" Gon sprung out of bed again, his face stretched into a huge smile.

"Ki-lu-aaa! I like your name!" Killua's face reddened again, and he looked away.

"Er..thanks."

_I guess he's always been that forward..._

"Gon...do you remember..." Gon looked at him, his neck stretching back.

"Remember what? The wolves?" Killua winced.

"Sure...sure, the wolves. Do you remember the wolves?"

_He doesn't remember Sayeed...this is bad...am I stuck here with a seven year old Gon? And are we really in his memories? Or is this...reality?_

"Nope! Well...sort of...I remember running through the forest away from them, because one bit me while I was concentrating on fishing! Wait...where's my fishing rod?" Killua looked blankly at Gon.

"You weren't with your fishing rod when I found you..." Gon ran across his room and started pulling his boots on.

"I have to go find it, right now!" Killua moved instantly, too fast for Gon to track...and his hand was like an iron vice around Gon's wrist.

"Gon, you should rest." His voice was like steel, but his eyes were soft and concerned. Gon looked at him and then down at his boots.

"Okay...ne, Killua...are we brothers now? Because brothers look out for one another!" Gon blinked up at Killua, a grin pasted on his face. Killua felt his face start to heat up again.

_He's not even that different...This situation is pissing me off more and more..._

"Brothers? Mito just said I could stay for the night because I helped you, and it was already late..." Gon leapt into the air, fist held high.

"Yes! Mito got me a big brother!" Killua looked down, his white hair covering his eyes.

_He's known me for 5 minutes, and we're already brothers?_

_*must be nice...to be so cool like that..._

_since this...is of no concern to you...* _

Pain shot through Killua's heart, and his mind went numb.

_Brothers...I'm not strong enough to be your brother, Gon._

* * *

_To be continued._


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyones! I be sowwy it took so long, I was in a meditation retreat and I just moved into my new home with my partner! Hooray! I am sorry about how short it is, I am not very good at writing long pieces at a time...**

**My story still needs a beta-reader if anyone is interested! **

**Lots of love, and be happy :)**

* * *

Killua's eyes fluttered open, light covering the upper half of his face, and his body immediately tensed. Gon was breathing softly next to him, still sound asleep. The sun streamed through the window, and most of the room was lit up.

Killua raised his arms in a stretch, and arose silently, moving towards the door. Opening it, he stood face to face with a surprised Mito.

"You're up! I thought I'd have to drag you both out of bed." Mito tilted her head and smiled. "Thank you again, Killua. Why don't you wake up Gon and come get a bite to eat?"

"Sure, Mito. Thanks for inviting me to eat." Killua felt his voice almost stutter.

_I'm really losing my touch. _He shook himself imperceptibly. Mito's eyes looked him over.

"How old are you?" Killua stared at Mito.

"Oh, I'm 13." Mito nodded as if she had already known that.

"Hm, well, I'll see you down for food! Don't take long or it'll all be eaten!"

Killua looked around the room again and sighed.

_I'm stuck, confused, and the only thing I can do is just go with the flow. This sucks._

Killua looked at Gon. He went to the edge of the bed and grabbed his foot and shook it.

"Gon! Gon, wake up!" Shaking his foot even more, he raised his voice.

"GON!" Gon muttered something to himself and rolled over, twisting his foot in Killua's hand. Killua's annoyance spiked and his eyes darkened. He moved his face right in front of Gon's and spoke, his voice deepened and rough,

"If you don't wake up right now, I will throw you out the window." Gon slowly opened his eyes.

"Wha-WAH!" Gon flipped out of bed and fell onto the floor. Killua couldn't help it, his body began to shake helplessly with laughter. Gon glared at him, his mouth turned slightly in a pout.

"I'm telling Mito that you beat me up and then you won't get any food!" Gon smiled, but it was more a baring of his teeth, and his eyes sparkled with mischief. He bounded out the door and down the stairs and could be heard talking rapidly and excitedly. Killua put his hand to his face and caught his breath. He walked down the stairs to meet them.

Mito turned to Killua with a mock glare.

"Gon said you beat him up, is that true?" Gon was behind Mito, and stuck his tongue out at Killua.

Killua just looked at Mito, and then to Gon, who was still poking his tongue at him; and began to laugh again. Mito's mock severity fell and she began to laugh as well. Gon stared at both of them, shocked.

"But! But why are you laughing!" Gon sat down on the floor in a huff.

Mito looked at Killua out of the corner of her eye and smiled inwardly.

_It's good that he's laughing. When he thinks no one is looking, his face becomes so sad..._

* * *

Gon's hand pulled him through the thick trees, leaves rustling against his clothes and hair. Gon kept looking back as if to check he was still attached to his hand.

"Come on, come on! It's this way!" Light flashed in his eyes as they sped through the forest, the critters of the trees meeting the boys' intrusion with silence.

"I left my fishing rod over here!" The trees gave way to a clearing, with a lake in the center. The water shimmered with Gon's eyes. Gon looked up at Killua expectantly, a huge smile stretched across his face.

_I remember this._

"Gon, it's awesome!" Killua gave him the thumbs up.

_I hope I'm convincing enough. He doesn't know I've been here before…_

Gon looked at him a moment longer, and then grabbed his legs in a tight hug.

"I've never gotten to show anyone my special place before…" Gon sighed contentedly into Killua's legs.

Killua sucked in his breath.

_I either get used to this now or spend the rest of my life in embarrassment. _

Killua smiled and patted Gon on the head.

"It's nothing, bro." Gon looked up, eyes shining.

"You mean it?" Killua stared at him.

"Mean what?"

"You called me bro!" Killua laughed nervously and ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh, yeah. Sure." Gon whooped and ran towards the big tree overlooking the lake. His fishing rod lay next to the tree.

"Kil-lu-aaaa! I found m-" Gon stopped short, his body frozen. Killua jogged over to see what was wrong. Birds chirped and the air shimmered with the sun's heat.

_I'm getting that weird feeling again…_

"Gon, what's…" Gon turned to Killua, his face contorted and lips wobbling.

"It's…it's…it's BROKEN!" Gon fell into a sitting position and the tears began to flow.

* * *

**Hah!**


	5. Chapter 5

**-bows- Hi everyone! I apologize for the long, long break. I have been having a very full life! I'm feeling really inspired to write some more for this story though, so let's give it a shot :). I'll try to respond to reviews in new chapters for fun, and if anyone is interested in proof reading chapters and giving suggestions, let me know! **

**Be happy!**

* * *

Killua's hairs stood on end and he crouched instinctively.

_Something feels __**off.**_

Gon sat over his fishing rod, water flowing from his face onto his beloved heirloom. Ging's fishing rod...broken.

Killua's whole body was covered in goosebumps.

_En! _

A translucent sphere of aura spread out from the core of his being. New information flooded his senses. Birds sitting on trees and feeding their young, their small hearts beating rapidly. Bees pollinating flowers, moving to and from their hives, as they danced out strange patterns to their brethren. Grass waving to the wind's command, soaking up life the sun emits. Trees, ancient trees, watching, waiting, they themselves hosting a myriad of life. Fish eating smaller fish, those fish eating even smaller fish, those fish eating bugs, the bugs eating plant matter. Birth and death, death and birth. Ants bringing food to their queen...Killua couldn't repress a shudder as the ants passed through his mind. All in an instant, he felt the innumerable worlds of buzzing life around him.

And yet...nothing abnormal.

_Why do I feel so on edge?_

He re-focused on what he was seeing and let the visions of the life around him fall into the back of his mind. En still activated, he started when he saw Gon crying. Killua's chest clenched up and butterflies swam in his stomach.

_I hate it...I hate seeing him like this. Even when he's just a child. But...I've never...I didn't..._

Killua knelt by Gon and hesitantly wrapped his arm around Gon's shoulders. Gon's body shook as he cried. He pressed his body closer to Killua and looked up into Killua's eyes.

"Why is it broken? It's not fair...I wasn't even here when it happened..." Gon looked down as a fresh wave of tears overtook him. Killua's face had softened, his features relaxed and sad as he looked at Gon's streaked face.

_**"Tears will get you killed, Killua." The red iron crept closer and closer as he shook and squirmed and wept...**_

"Gon, it's okay." Killua's eyes looked determinedly at Gon and the fishing rod. "We'll fix your fishing rod."

Gon blinked and shook his head a little as he turned towards Killua, his hair brushing against Killua's shoulder. His eyes widened as he looked at Killua's fierce expression.

"R-really?!" Killua nodded.

"Don't worry, Gon. Don't worry...don't worry about anything." Killua's face changed expressions for only an instant, but Gon caught it. He pushed closer into Killua's side.

"I won't, big brother. I promise." Gon wiped the tears from his face. "I'm sorry for crying."

Killua's face darkened. His voice became lower, and gravelly.

"Don't ever apologize for crying." Gon recoiled a little and blinked rapidly towards him. Gon shook his head a little, as if to rid himself of some image.

"Okay." Killua's cheeks reddened and he looked away.

_My emotions are a mess, I still have no real grasp of where I am or what I'm doing here other than some vague direction by a weird old woman, and I'm losing my damned control in front of a little boy!_

Killua suddenly leapt up, moving so quickly that the wind from his motion blew Gon's hair back a little. Pebbles at his feet scattered into the water nearby.

"Wah, Killua! What are you doing?" Gon was sitting on his butt, leaning back on his palms with fingers splayed out behind him, and his knees bent in front of him. He looked up at Killua, his eyebrows tensed a little, and his eyes questioning.

_Just for an instant, I felt something move through my En...it was so fast..._

Killua grinned playfully down at Gon. Gon instinctively smiled back.

"I'm playing a game, Gon! A race." Killua's eyebrows waggled enticingly. Gon leapt up to his feet and raised his fist in the air.

"Yes! A race! Where are we racing to, Killua?" Gon's whole body was visibly vibrating.

Killua laughed. "Pick up the pieces to your fishing rod, Gon. We're racing back home."

"Kil-lu-a!" Gon sang his name. "We could race to the mountain, or the ocean, or the tallest tree! Why home?" Gon started to walk in circles around Killua, getting energized.

"'Cause, Gon. That's where we need to be to fix your fishing rod!" Gon's eyes widened.

_That should convince him. _

"Ohhhh..." In a flash, Gon grinned up at him, his eyes sparkling, and took off into the forest.

A drop of sweat rolled down Killua's forehead.

He took off after the running boy.

_Godspeed, Gon._


	6. Chapter 6

**I know, I write these short little chapters, but I spend a lot of time on each little part. I want it to flow really nicely. I'm going to try to give a little bit each day! I hope everyone enjoys :)**

**And, if you're interested in proof reading, let me know!**

**Be happy :)**

* * *

Killua ran after Gon in the forest. Leaves crunching, pushing branches aside as they whipped into his space, bugs flying too close burst in a puff of heat as they hit Killua's crackling aura. Even at Gon's age, he was still quite fast. To Killua, it was no more than a relaxing jog, but...

_What I felt...I need to expand my En. _ Killua set his jaw, letting his legs do the running for him after the sounds of the boy's boots hitting the forest floor, and focused on his inner core.

One of the best ways to practice _En _is to meditate on the surface of your aura. Imagine the surface of your aura like it's the skin of your body. Expand that outer layer of skin in all directions. That's the hardest part, because the mind isn't used to expanding in weird directions like directly behind you or below you. At first, most Nen practicioners can only extend their aura out from their body in a few directions. It's a subtle practice, because it's not about powering up your aura like _Ren_, or creating a hardened shell like _Ken_, but about sensitizing your aura like the skin of your body. When you really feel it is a part of your body, you will feel things touching it and things in it as if they are you, or inside you. As you practice extending your 'skin' in all directions, and using _Ten_ simultaneously, it will shape itself into a sphere. Most people with Nen never get remotely close to extending their sphere out more than a few meters, much less even getting a sphere to expand from them. That's where the amount of aura someone can generate, as well as their level of concentration, comes into play. Someone is considered a master of _En_ when their sphere has a radius of 50 meters, and Killua's grandfather could expand at least to 300...

Killua felt the inner core of his being as a sphere. Letting his other senses fade into the background, the pounding of his legs on the ground, the sound of his breathing, the endless trees going by, he began to visualized the sphere expanding past his body...the familiar rush of a new sense swam through his mind. 5 meters...10...15...20...35...45...

His mind and body began to strain. 50...55...60...

_Ah..okay. I just have to hold it here. _

Killua kept on after Gon, careful to keep him well within his senses, but not to overtake him. Gon listened to Killua, fortunately, and was running home.

Killua shook himself, as his body tensed, tendrils of electricity flashing up and down his arms and body. His hand hardened, shifted, lengthened, what were once nails, now spikes.

_I will protect you, Gon. _

"If you don't hurry, I'll leave you behind!" Gon's voice trailed after the flashes of the running figure he saw. Killua didn't smile. All of his concentration was devoted to keeping his En active, and preparing his senses for a fight.

Killua's eyes widened, and he began to skid to a stop as a figure flitted in front of him -

_Godspeed!_

The air crackled around Killua, his hair rising, and in an instant he was behind the figure, his body stretching forward for his claws to make contact with its neck. A massive boom shook the trees around him, the leaves flying in every direction as the sound's shockwave pushed everything away, creating a clearing in the trees. Killua had moved faster than sound.

Killua froze, his mouth dropping open, his hand instantly reverting to normal as he stood utterly shocked. The electricity shorted out and Killua's _En_ shrank into himself. Nothing could be heard, the whole forest had gone silent.

"K-kite!..." Killua's mouth worked as he tried to process. Thoughts raced through his mind.

_We're in the past, so Kite isn't dead? But is it the real Kite? A fake Kite? Is this in my mind? And where's Gon? I don't hear anything. _

Kite faced Killua, smiling.

"You're pretty fast. Who the hell are you?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Now, longest chapter yet! Woo! Okay, so once again I'm sorry for the long break in writing. I have serious writer's block. Fo' real.**

**Let me know what you think about this chapter :) I LOVE reading reviews, and I really welcome constructive criticism. This was the hardest chapter for me to write out of the other ones. I'll probably make little edits in it as days go by and I notice new things, but I wanted to post it right away.**

**Killugon fangirl: yes :D. the story will evolve into a romance between killua and gon, but right now killua isn't thinking too much about it, and neither is gon, cause gon is so young and killua is still confused about what the hell is going on.**

**soxirrh-megs: THANK YOU. :D. I haven't given up on it...im just...slow xD**

**Sakurapetal91: KITEEEOOOOO...hahahha, i got a real kick out of reading your reviews. i really love writing about killua's emotions, because he's so closed down about them. he is on a path of self discovery and opening his heart :)**

**maddylovesyou: /BOWS THANK YOU SENPAI *bows to the ground and backs away slowly***

* * *

Killua swallowed, his mind feeling frayed, and he wondered what to say to this man he saw dead.

"Who the hell are you, how do you know my name, and what are you doing with Gon?"

Killua laughed, the sound coming out strained and nervous. He rubbed the back of his head.

"I, uh...I'm a friend of Gon's. I rescued him from some wolves the other day, and Mito asked if I wanted to stay, and I sort of didn't have a place to be, so..." Kite looked at him, smiling, but his eyes were narrow and discerning. Killua met his eyes without wavering, knowing Kite noticed he had dodged answering how he knew his name.

"That doesn't sound very convincing. Why don't you come up with a better story? Someone as strong as you doesn't just "not have a place to be." Killua felt his face tighten in anticipation.

_What the fuck am I supposed to do?_

"Killua! Killua?" A voice called from the forest. Gon's.

_Saved by the bell._

Kite took a step closer to Killua.

"I'm going to be watching you very carefully." Gon came running back through the trees into the clearing that Killua had created, waving the two pieces of his fishing rod. Gon's face lit up like the sun as he took in the two men in front of him.

"Kite! Killua!" Gon ran into Kite's arms, Kite's demeanour having shifted completely, his face relaxing and his body becoming lighter. He lifted Gon up into the air, beaming back at him.

"How's little Gon doing, hmm? Getting attacked by scary wolves?" Gon glared at him and squirmed in his grip.

"No! Killua fought them off for me." He stuck his tongue out at Kite. "He's going to teach me how to be stronger." Kite chuckled and put Gon back down.

Killua frowned a little, Kite noticing instantly as his eyes flicked to Killua and back to Gon again.

"What happened to Ging's rod, Gon?" Kite waggled his eyebrows at the child below him.

Gon frowned as he again inspected the broken heirloom.

"It broke when the wolves attacked me...but Killua said we'd fix it!" Kite again glanced at Killua.

"Did he now...?" Kite said this more to himself than Gon. Killua looked away as he felt Kite's eyes inspecting him.

The clouds above lazily rolled by, trees waving gently in the wind. Bugs flew energetically through the clearing, and the air waved subtly in the heat...

_This place is too weird...something always is feeling a little off._

"Kite, is my dad with you?" Kite looked at Gon, his face impassive.

"No, he's not." Gon looked downcast for barely a moment before he looked back up again with a grin stretching across his face.

"I'll just become a hunter and find him!" Gon put his hands on his hips and inspected Killua and Kite before him. "Let's all race back to the house together!"

_Well, that hasn't changed._

Kite looked at Killua, a small smirk appearing. Killua groaned inwardly.

"What do you say, Killua?" Kite emphasized his name, teasing him and flaunting in his face that he was getting more knowledge about him. Killua looked up at Kite, his bangs covering his eyes.

This is getting annoying again. "Sure, whatever, old man." Kite grunted his reply and looked to Gon.

"I'll even carry Gon, that should help you a little bit." Gon looked at Kite.

"What? Carry me?"

Yeah, carry him? You couldn't beat me in a race on my worst of days. Killua waved his hand, dismissing Kite's challenge. "Whatever. You won't win."

Gon stamped his foot. "Carry me?! I don't want to be carried!" Gon started to run towards the house but Kite grabbed him, and glanced back to Killua. "Ready? GO!"

Kite took off, trees nearby bending backwards slightly with the force of his momentum.

Killua whistled idly, tapping his foot.

_This is crazy, but at least I can have a little fun with him._

Killua rubbed the his thumb and forefinger together, feeling his skin tingling, dancing with its aliveness. Electricity arced through his arm and throughout his body and he felt his hair rise and his vision cloud slightly. It was painful, the electricity, but ecstatic at the same time.

_I think I may be a masochist._

Killua grinned devilishly and took off. In an instant, he was beyond Kite, and he turned his confident smirk on him and Gon, his eyes alight with enjoyment. Kite winked at him, and then he disappeared.

_Gyo!_

Killua surveyed the area where Kite had disappeared, but all he saw were the vestiges of Kite's aura spread out, with no solid clues as to where he went.

_What the fuck? Where did he go? No matter..._ Killua kept moving towards Mito's house at half his top speed, not wanting the contest to end so soon.

Killua ran through the trees, weaving his path through the forest floor. Killua let his eyes drink in the natural beauty around him. He let out a puff of air as his shoulders relaxed a little bit.

_I could...try to relax._

"Killua! Killua, help!" Killua's ears twitched as he stopped suddenly, sparks of lightning traveling over the surface of his body, no longer imbued in his muscles.

"Gon?" Killua looked around, and then looked up.

"Gon, what? How did you get up there?" Gon was clinging to a branch on a massively high tree. Killua could just make out Gon's facial features scrunched in terror.

"Kill-uah! I can't get down!" Killua's body heated up. He gritted his teeth, taking deep breaths as he tried to control the bloodlust rising in his veins.

_I...am going..to kill Kite when I see him._

A hand burst out of the ground below him and grabbed his ankle, pulling him underground. As his knee began to sink into the ground, Killua harnessed his electricity and sent it arcing down his leg to the hand grabbing him. A satisfying yelp came, but the hand didn't let go. Killua flexed his other leg, still on solid ground, sending aura to strengthen that leg; and started to simultaneously send electricity down to the hand still holding him while using his aura strengthened leg to break its grip.

Another hand grabbed his ankle, and Killua felt himself being overpowered by the sheer strength of whoever was grabbing him. He couldn't use both legs because his left one was in a hole, being pulled into the soft ground.

Killua threw his body forward, twisting his ankle and dislocating it, using the momentum and the sudden shift in his ankle bone to break free of the grip.

"Shit," he cursed, as pain arced through his body. He shifted his ankle back into place before leaping up the tree in bounds to where Gon was clinging to the branch.

Expecting to meet a terrified Gon, instead he met a boy hanging from the branch by his knees, and laughing hysterically.

"Gon? Gon! Why are you laughing?" Killua looked down and saw Kite holding his belly and laughing as well.

"Y-you should have seen your face!" Gon looked up at Killua for a moment before breaking down in laughter again, his giggles filling the air with a pure and innocent joy.

Kite cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Got you!"

Killua's veins bulged from his neck.

"Got me!? Got me!? You were using all of your strength to pull me underground! How is that a joke?" Gon giggled at Killua's outburst.

"Come on, no friend of Gon's could be such a sissy." Kite teased Killua, ignoring the dangerous glint in Killua's eyes and the tremors of anger flowing through his body.

Killua looked over to Gon, who was watching the exchange with large eyes, his cheeks blushed red with exertion and laughter. Killua felt his heart soften.

_I can forgive Kite...for Gon. He probably just wanted to see more of my powers, anyway._

"You cheating swine. You used Gon to distract me." Killua looked to Gon, who was dropping from branch to branch, getting lower and lower down the tree. Killua glanced up, and momentarily appreciated the sea of trees from his vantage point, seeing the ocean beyond the island.

Kite laughed again. "I had to see whether you really cared for hi-" Gon jumped down from the lowest branch and interrupted Kite.

"Killua, how did you make your body full of lightning like that? I wanna do that too!"

TBC :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, another short little yum yum. I gotta try to keep the momentum up! The story is getting harder for me to write, as my ideas spread out and become more abstract. Lemme know what you think! Would love to hear your predictions for the plot and stuff, it could really help me solidify my own ideas. I wrote part of a chapter for Killua's childhood, even though there's a ways to go till then, and it was sooo awesome. I'm excited for this story!**

**Thank you soooo much for reading, and may you all be happy :)**

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Killua jumped down from the tree, landing at the base in a small puff of dust. Hands in pocket, he looked at Kite, and then to Gon.

"Gon, if you train hard, maybe one day you can do something like that too." Killua nodded to himself. Kite stared at him with his facial features slack.

_That sounded pretty good. Maybe I'm not so bad with kids after all. _

"What!? Really? If I train hard enough? I'm going to start right away!" Gon's face lit up and he ran out of the clearing in the direction of the house. Kite chuckled.

"Thanks for getting him to run home. Now, you and I can have a chat." Killua swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry.

"I'll ask one more time. Who are you?" Killua tightened his fists together, feeling the sweat covered skin against skin, and he gritted his teeth.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! What do I do? He'll know if I'm lying, there's not any explanation for why an advanced Nen user is out here with a fucking little boy! And Gon, no less, son of the great Ging, blah blah...the truth, then. The truth. _

Killua took his hands out of his pockets and put his hands out, palms facing up. A gesture of peace.

"I'm going to tell you the truth." Kite nodded, and shifted his body weight as he crossed his arms.

"I'll try to make this short. I was transported into Gon's childhood from another...dimension, I guess, by a Nen specialist, in order to unlock Gon's Nen, which is trapped in the version of Gon I know. I don't even know if this place is real..uh...no offense." Killua's face deflated.

_God, that sounded so stupid._ Kite looked at him, his arms now uncrossed as he tapped his face thoughtfully. Then he nodded.

"Okay, then. What do you have to do here to unlock his Nen?" Killua's jaw dropped, his shoulders slackened and his eyes widened a little.

"You mean...you believe me?" Kite took a few steps closer to him, his posture straight and noble.

"Listen, kid, I don't know what kind of guy I was in the dimension you're from, but I'm not so stupid that I can't tell a simple lie from a truth. I am assuming that you knew me, since you knew my name?..." Killua nodded, his body starting to relax as he was suddenly assaulted with..._those_ memories. He winced, putting his hand to his head.

_*Gon turned to him, his body unnaturally large, tears streaming down his face. The eyes that met his were frightening, full of anguish and yet deeply empty... Killua felt his heart stop. It felt like his entire body was being torn apart. He felt like he had to vomit, scream, and run away all at once. He wanted to die. But he had to be strong. He had to be strong, again. He had to be...for Gon.*_

"I was that bad, huh?" Kite laughed, but his eyes were steady and serious.

"I...no. I knew you, yeah. You were pretty cool. Gon liked you a lot. Still does, I see." Killua nodded to him, straightening his body again. Killua sighed, rocking forward a little onto the balls of his feet.

"I don't know what I have to do. The woman who sent me here, she said I'd have to...face challenges. Whatever that means. Seriously, that old hag throws me in this mess without telling me what to do! This is ridiculous." Killua snorted, looking away, interlacing his hands and putting them behind his head.

Kite didn't stop staring at him, his eyes continually cool and appraising.

"You clearly care about Gon a lot." Killua's face colored as he turned towards Kite again.

"W-what?!" Killua sputtered out the words before calming down a little.

"I guess I do. We were...friends." Killua's heart lurched.

*_since this...is of no concern to you...*_

Kite barked out a laugh, his eyes gentling a little.

"Whatever you say, kid. I can't help you with this one. You're on your own. I just came by to check up on Gon for Ging. I promised I would from time to time." Kite turned away, putting his hand up.

"I'll see you later, tell Gon I said bye. Oh, and good luck. " Killua started.

"W-wait! Don't go like that!" Kite shifted a little more towards him.

"What? I told you, this is your battle. I even only showed myself to Gon because I didn't know who you were. I can see you have no ill intentions towards Gon, so having someone to play with will be good for him. I know you're a serious dude. Not just everyone can send so much electricity through their bodies like that..especially so young...you'll be fine." Kite's eyes and face darkened for a moment as he mentioned the electricity. Killua's throat tightened, and he suddenly burst.

"Please! Kite! If you can give me any advice or help about what I'm supposed to do, I don't know what to do...and I'm just...I'm just confused here."

Kite turned away again, and spoke over his shoulder, one eye fixed on Killua.

"Maybe that's what you need to work out." Kite walked into the forest, disappearing in the shadows of the trees. Killua watched him go until he couldn't see him anymore, and he slumped against some stump, bending his knees up.

_Maybe that's what I need to work out? My confusion? _

Killua rubbed his chest, feeling the aching pain that accompanied him wherever he went. Ever since he took out Illumi's needle, this ache has been growing and growing. He could barely think about the past without his whole body flushing with heat, and his heart feeling like a pincushion.

Killua dropped his head on top of his knees.

"I...I don't know how," he mumbled.


	9. Chapter 9

**SWEET! Another chapter! I'm doing it! Hooray! So...this changes things pretty drastically. Let me know what you think :) hee hee...**

**ALSO, im doing some editing and stuff with the story chapters, so pls don't mind it =)**

**be happy :) 3**

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By the time Killua looked up, it was dark. He got up, brushing the dirt off his butt, and stretched his arms out.

_Ah, it's late. Gon's probably wondering where I am. Better head back. _

Killua stuck his hands in his pockets, and started walking back towards Mito's place. His head was down, watching his feet step one in front of the other. His body tingled uncomfortably.

_I feel so..sensitive, raw. _

Killua kept walking, lifting himself up methodically over fallen trees, walking around large rocks, and stepping clear of sharp branches. He started when he suddenly found himself bathed in cool light. Killua looked up through the opening in the forest ceiling, his hair covering the top of his eyes, his body illuminated.

The moon stared back at him. It was huge, a large halo of light surrounding it. Killua watched it. His mind became absorbed by the hypnotic gaze of the moon. It held him. Killua suddenly felt tiny, a speck in the vast cosmos. He started to weep. Still captured by the moon, his whole body shook, sobs breaking out from his body, cries that were trapped for so long.

Tears ran down his face but he made no effort to brush them off or to stifle his weeping. Insects and birds went silent, listening to Killua's choked sobs echo throughout the forest. The moon was shifting, looking different, taking on different personalities.

Illumi's eye stared at him, lifeless and frightening. Silva's eye, cold and unyielding. Countless eyes flashing, the people he'd killed. His own eye, staring at him, sapphire blue and full of death.

Killua had crouched down, unable to look from the moon, his body shaking uncontrollably as he cried himself dry.

The corona around the moon was amber, bright...it was Gon's eye, staring at him. Full of life, full of hope, full of love. Killua felt his body warm as his mind filled in the blanks, seeing Gon's bright face looking at him with adoration.

_How could anyone adore me, I'm a monster._

Gon looked at him, his acceptance and care totally unconditional. Killua felt his sobs deepen further, his entire life flashing before him. All of the self hate he put on himself was bubbling up to the surface.

_I need him, I need him...I'm weak. Gon..._ Killua tore himself from looking at the moon, and suddenly screamed.

"FUUUUCK!" Killua screamed his aura out, throwing all of his Nen around him, trees being ripped clean from the ground, a crater forming beneath his feet, lightning flashing, thunder booming, wind rushing. He started to scream wordlessly, uncaring that his aura would be spent in an instant, as the ground ripped apart. Killua's eyes started to glow inhumanly, as the Nen he was expending started to strain his body beyond his limits. Rocks smashed against the ground around him, flung by the intense winds created by his energy. In the distance, birds and animals were fleeing the sheer destruction.

Killua's aura was suddenly gone. He stood a moment longer, breathing heavily, his hair covering his eyes completely, and then he collapsed.

Laying on the ground, his vision started to become hazy. He thought he heard someone calling his name in the distance...

_Gon, I'll see you on the other side..._

"I love you..." Killua breathed as he lost consciousness.

* * *

"Killua, Killua!" An excited whine penetrated his sleep. He felt himself being shook.

"Killua, wake up! It's time for school!" Killua groaned. He pushed his face deeper into the pillow. A throaty chuckle came from beside him, and then a sudden weight fell onto his body.

"Ouch!" Killua turned and tackled Gon off the bed onto the ground.

"Looky here, you. What the hell was that for!?" Gon laughed joyously, laughing, his body squirming and his bright eyes filling Killua's. Killua started and suddenly threw himself backwards, his heart rate spiking.

_Gyo!_

Nothing happened. Killua started to sweat as he pressed himself into the wall of Gon's room, staring at Gon with utter shock on his face.

_Gon is...Gon is my age again!? And why were we sleeping together? Why can't I use my nen? What the FUCK? _

Memories came back to him, Kite in the forest, mysteriously saying he had to work out his confusion. Gon running back to the house, and him seeing strange shapes in the moon as he sobbed. Then, releasing every drop of aura he had before he collapsed, wondering if it was the end for him.

"Killua? What's wrong?" Gon lifted himself off the ground and came walking towards him.

"Are you nervous for school? I know it's your first day, but it'll be so much fun!" Killua stared at him, bug eyed.

"S-school?" Gon giggled, standing right in front of him and leaning down.

"Yeah, silly! School! It's the first day of the eighth grade for us." Killua racked his thoughts.

_What the shit is going on, and why are we going to school? Gon never told me he went to school. Is this all Sayeed's doing?_

"Uh, Gon...I had a really weird dream and I'm having trouble remembering what's going on. In my dream, we could use...uhm...our bodily energy to do things, and we fought lots of monsters...and...well...uh" Killua trailed off, his head whirling.

Gon stared at him intently.

"That sounds amazing, Killua! Maybe you were having memories of your past? Mito said she found you in the forest, collapsed, and when you woke up you didn't remember a thing!"

Killua's mouth dropped.

"Uh, Gon...how long ago was that?" Gon turned away, fiddling with a bag.

"Three years."

_How could Gon say that so non chalantly? I've been living here for 3 years? What the hell? How old am I?_

"Gon...umm..how old are you?" Gon whirled around, scanning Killua, who was still slumped against the wall looking like a frazzles cat.

"Killua, you're worrying me. You don't know how old I am? I'm 13! We both are!" Gon stared at him, a small frown on his face.

"Ah hah hah, no, don't worry Gon, it was just a dream, I'm just confused after a crazy dream." Gon looked at him a second more, concern marring his features for a brief moment, before he turned away again.

"'Kay! Well, get ready, cause we gotta' go soon!" Killua then noticed for the first time that he was in nothing but his boxers. The shock from waking up in such an incredibly unfamiliar and yet familiar situation was too much for him. As he took in his own state of undress, he more memories of his experiences...3 years ago...came back to him

_Oh god. Did I really say that I love you? Do I love Gon? _Killua stared at Gon as he rummaged through drawers, pulling out different copies of the same outfit, green, green, and more green. Killua suddenly found his eyes drawn to Gon's hips swaying with the movement, his body barely obscured by the thin piece of cloth covering him, his thighs smooth and beautiful. Killua suddenly choked on his own saliva.

_Beautiful!?_

"Kill-u-ahh, I'm soo excited!" Gon turned around, looking at him with a huge smile on his face. "I've been waiting for you to come to school with me for 3 years!"

Killua just couldn't shake his shock off. He gaped at Gon, slowly standing up, his legs shaking a little bit. He tried to access his aura again, but there was nothing there. With his hands behind his back, he went to alter the musculature of his hand, and nothing happened.

_Oh..my...god._


End file.
